I struggle at night as I prepare to sleep/
Troubled by thoughts of the High school footy meet/
They said “be there or be oval"/
they never told me game 1 was in Rowville/
It didn't seem so bad at first/
Little did I know it would only get worse/
I went to the lockers to put on my skins/
Checked my lunchbox and noticed I only had corn thins/

No trading for anything today, not even a lesnak/
Then in walks the footy captain, having a panic attack/
Well, panic is a strong word, he really just double dropped/
Musta been seeing red, cause well, there was shit to cop/
"Cunt who took my fucking darts?!" He proceeded to cry/
Little did he know, that I had been punching them on the sly/
I couldn't meet his eyes when he unleashed his primal scream/
A skill he learnt from dad, a genetic response after too many Jim beams/

But he was shitting himself scared, and I knew I had to pick up the slack/
Coz after double dropping, you know there ain’t no going back/
I told my mum I quit smoking, but that was a bit of lie/
I just quit paying for them is all, and pinch the ones my mates buy/
Told my mum I'd quit the piss too, just didn’t want to see her cry/
But the only reason I joined the footy team was for the free Carlton dry/
Well that's what my mate promised me, he said kick ons were pretty good/
Besides deep down, mum wanted me to be a bit more like Adam Goodes/
My family always were south Melbourne tragics, which meant they barracked for the Sydney Swans/
They couldn't accept the fact that south Melbourne was already long gone/
Anyways, after our first win, we went to the deck to celebrate/
When I saw they had Carlton dry on tap, I knew it was fate/
The years of studying began to fade away/
As the beer hit my stomach, and my senses gave way/

I was one of the year 12s that turned 18 early in the year/
And as a result I was usually the guy that had to buy the beer/
They said they would pay me back once their Centrelink payments arrived/
But then I realised they all worked at towerhill maccas, like all the other footy guys/

Coulda joined the chess club, maybe then I’d have a real career, something fun/
Instead I ended up as a sports journalist, behind a paywall, at the Herald Sun/